Death and Burial 101
What you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask
This page grew out of my obsession for finding out the facts about burials and the funeral industry and subsequently
planning my own funeral, rather than foisting it off on my family after I die. Of course, the obsession came partially as a
result of attending my mother's funeral recently and seeing the huge cost even though she was cremated and the other
part was a challenge from my family to try to make things easier for them. (Also cheaper).
I've done all that and more. The following links are to some helpful people who feel the same way; i.e., that we as a
society need to take back more of the control over funerals and stop getting Fleeced by the Funeral Industry.
That being said, there is a need for funeral parlors and funeral directors as the undertakers now like to be called.
Everybody is not going to face up to this challenge -and it is a challenge-, but being informed is going to save you
a lot of money and if my mothers cremation (and burial??? - what was up with that) costing nearly $5 thousand dollars
and knowing that many burials are going to run many thousands more than that, I needed to find out what the laws and
facts were.
1. Many of us are military and if you are in any way eligible for a Vet burial, take it. I'm planning on it. Some of the cost is going to be allayed by using them and after visiting a nearby one (an official state one) I feel very comfortable with going that way. It'll save you at least $1,000 dollars. Grave site; opening fees; headstone etc.
2. Obtain General Price lists from as many funeral parlors as possible. Discard the "package deals" and just keep the last page or two with the itemized list. Even go as far away as 40 or 50 miles to find an accomodating parlor/director/prices. (And never PRE-PAY for funeral services) Pre-plan only unless you're doing it to shelter money from Medicaid.
3. Embalming is almost NEVER needed. Refuse it even if confronted by the FD (Funeral Director)
saying they don't permit viewing without it. He's lying, they have to permit it and if he persists
tell him/her you're going down the road to someone who will. Keeping the body cool does more
to preserve it than anything. Use Dry Ice if you need to. Also, consider sheltering the body at your
home or at the extended families home. It's perfectly legal and many people consider it a comfort.
'Course, others don't; Some churches will shelter it for you till burial.
4. Build your own casket if you have any wood working skills at all. It's not that hard and you can apply some flooring lamenate to make it as pretty as any (see mine above). Did you see the Pope's? Not that fancy, was it? Don't ever buy one with hermitically sealed gaskets. BIG rip off and your body still decays except it does so anaerobically and it stinks to high heaven; plus all that goop has no place to go. Regular plain wooden coffins allow a cleaner decomposition and not nearly as smelly. Did I mention, if you or your loved one is interred at a mausoleum, the caretakers will drill holes in your expensive sealed casket. Why? Because they build up pressure and explode and injure visitors. No place to store it? Use it for a book shelf down in the basement till you need it. By the way, the only real purpose for vaults or grave liners is so the cemetery ground stays level, consequently is less maintenance for the owners/caretakers. The cemetery should be the one paying for the vaults, not you. (If you're Jewish you've got it even better; go with the tradition of being buried in a shroud directly in the ground)
5. Consider having someone in your extended family do all the functions of the funeral director. I know it's way too much to ask of the immediate family but there is nothing that a funeral director does that is that difficult or hard to understand. Just plan ahead and get all your duckeys in order because not very many city clerks know they are supposed to issue the burial permits because the FD always does it for them. Likewise, not many hospitals know they can release the body to the family; they've never done it before. Clear it ahead of time and be prepared to back up your actions with state laws almost all of which permit the family of other designated person (or group) to act as FD. Rent a mini-van with rear fold down seats to use as a hearse; rent a black one if you feel that need. Some are reputed to actually look like hearses.
6. Consider immediate burial with a memorial service a month or so later.
7. Have a pot luck luncheon after burial for all the friends/family instead of paying $10 or $20 (or more)
for a banquet at a restaurant.
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